Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
