a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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