You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
