i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
