the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
