I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
