So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
