I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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