So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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