I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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