I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
