There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
