I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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