oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
