fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
