why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
