mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
