ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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