if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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