Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
