got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
