oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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