we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
