I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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