I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Randomize
