I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
