He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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