fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
