i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
