I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
