so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
