Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
