it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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