There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
