I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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