Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
