I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
