Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
