He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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