too bad you live with your parents still
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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