just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
