So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
