Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
