sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
