And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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