I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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