That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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