So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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