wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
