Are we in a gay sports bar?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
