69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
